


Remembrance

by Haecceity



Category: Legend of the Seeker
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, F/M, Mind Control, References to Confessed sex, cruelty to the Confessed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-27
Updated: 2013-11-27
Packaged: 2018-01-02 19:18:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1060591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haecceity/pseuds/Haecceity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Goes AU at 1x15. The road to hell is paved with self-righteousness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remembrance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hrhrionastar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hrhrionastar/gifts).



> Prompt: "The more I get to know you, the more I wish I didn't.", Darken/Kahlan -from hrhrionastar

The power of the Con Dar filled Kahlan’s head with a roar, obliterating everything but the need to protect Richard. Her Seeker was in danger. She reached out with her power, expanding the field of people she touched far beyond the limits of her skin. Human minds weren’t meant to contain the depth of information that washed over her, her mind invading the two Mord’Sith guarding Darken. She found resistance in the wizard and in her rage she lashed out with objects. She would never be able to describe how she held the needles. Whether it was like having extra hands or more like she suddenly had tentacles or more like the needles became part of her the way the people she Confessed became part of her.

She flung that power at Darken and encountered the same resistance but this time she pushed through it. The barrier, the skin, the membrane that kept their existence, their experiences, apart stretched and thinned. She surged against the barrier again and felt it rip. She pooled through the opening, filling Darken Rahl with herself.

In her heightened state, Kahlan was aware of the dying screams of the Mord’Sith and she could feel her connection to them fading into a green light. The thought that the threat was over slowly penetrated her haze.

“Command me, mistress,” Darken said, falling to his knees.

~7 years later~

The wail of a despondent two year old filled the echoing stone corridors as Kahlan trudged wearily up the stairs. A long day of passing judgment on citizens of the Midlands had left her with tension knots in her shoulders and a pounding headache. In the early days with Nicholas she would have run to the nursery but now she simply changed direction and continued her steady pace.

Sonia was curled up in a ball of misery, screaming and pounding her fists on the floor. Darken was crouched in a shadowed corner, watching Sonia with clear blue eyes the same color as Nicholas’s. Halfway between them on the floor was a doll.

Kahlan plucked the doll from the floor. “Mama’s here,” she cooed to her toddler, pulling Sonia into her lap. “Mama’s here. Everything’s alright.” She stroked her daughter’s hair and hummed a lullaby. The howls faded immediately into small whimpering sounds and then slowly dropped to harsh breathing.

“Nicholas took her doll. I sent him to timeout as you instructed.” Darken said quietly. The late afternoon sun glowed red against the white stone of Aydindril, reminding Kahlan of the velvet robes Darken used to wear. Now he was dressed simply in a neutral tunic and trousers that made him look like any other Keep servant.

“Did he?” Kahlan asked Sonia. “Did Darken send Nicholas to timeout?”

“I tried to give the doll back and she threw it at me.” Darken sighed while Sonia nodded. “I will never disobey you, mistress. You know the mechanics of Confession better than I. The only one who knew more was Giller and you solved that little problem.”

“Stay here,” Kahlan ordered. She carried Sonia to bed, read two stories, and stared out the window, thinking about how much she missed Richard. She took another moment to listen to Sonia’s quiet snoring and pray for Richard’s safety as he traveled the Midlands, rooting out the last remnants of the D’Haran army that hadn’t accepted Darken’s surrender.

The ache in Kahlan’s chest squeezed her heart again as she looked at her baby girl and felt the pain of explaining to Richard why she couldn’t have his children all over again. And the pain of the conversation about why she needed to have children to carry on the tradition of Confessors. And the pain of the conversation about why Darken was a perfect candidate for fathering Confessor children. She tried to keep her tears quiet enough for Sonia to sleep through them.

As she left the nursery, Kahlan straightened her spine and reminded herself she was the Mother Confessor and in Aydindril Keep where no one would question her. She reminded herself of:

_The boy had Darken’s eyes. That was her first thought on seeing her son. A Confessor boy. Of course trying to have children with evil would only make more evil._

_“He’s perfect,” Richard said, taking the baby from her. “Just like his mother.”_

_“I don’t know if I can do this.”_

_“He’s a baby. Treat him like a baby.”_

_“This doesn’t happen. There’s only a boy once a generation and Dennee’s son should have been it.” Kahlan pushed her sweaty hair back from her face._

_“Well, he’s here now.” Richard said. “And I’m here.”_

_Kahlan looked up at Richard. “I know, Richard. You’re a good-”_

_“Marry me.” Richard said, voice dripping with sincerity._

_“But we can’t-”_

_“I don’t care. I love you and I want to marry you.” Richard said. “Do you want to marry me?”_

_“Yes, but-”_

_“Yes or no. That’s all that matters.”_

_“I can’t stop with a boy. We need girls for the next generation.”_

_“Marry me?”_

_“Yes.”_

Richard never looked at Darken if he could possibly help it.

Darken was still waiting where she’d left him. She glared at him, balling her hands into fists. Sonia was weaned, it was time to think about having another child. There were too few Confessors in the world for her to shirk her duty.

“I did as you commanded, mistress.” Darken didn’t cringe. Even after being Confessed, he wasn’t meek, merely obedient. Silas thought it was because of something about Zedd’s interference in his conception. Anferoth speculated it was a lingering effect of the Confession blocking potion he’d taken.

“You just let her cry,” Kahlan accused.

“You forbade me to touch her,” Darken pointed out.

“As if you would have wanted to comfort her. You just watched.”

“I did not. I disciplined Nicholas per your instructions and tried to cheer her up.” Darken said a little dully. “She hates me.”

”Do you care?” Kahlan demanded.

“Yes,” Darken frowned.

“Would you have cared before?” Kahlan pressed.

“Yes.”

“Don’t lie to me!”

“I cannot lie to you, Mother Confessor. You have made me incapable of that. I can’t even remember what it was like to be able to resent you.” Darken grimaced. “I love you, my mistress. I obey your commands and you hate me and my children hate me. And I long for you to touch me again.”

“We should do it while Richard is away. So he doesn’t have to think about it.” Kahlan said, taking a deep breath.

“Yes, mistress.” Darken said.

Kahlan grimaced. “Do you love Nicholas and Sonia?”

“Yes.”

“Would you have loved-”

“I would have loved our children and done everything I could to keep them safe. I would have done horrible things because I loved them. I’m sorry.” Darken showed every sign of real remorse. “You would have hated me even more because of the things I would have done. I would have killed you, I would have died rather than allow harm to come to them. I would have slaughtered civilians by the dozen.” He gave her a despairing look. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you are.” Kahlan rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. “It doesn’t change anything.”

“It changes me. I love you.”

“Because you have to.”

“I can’t even wish I didn’t love you.” Darken said flatly. “That is what I have to live with. I can’t even-” He trailed off into a vague gesture. “I can’t even say it.”

Kahlan grabbed his hands and stared into his eyes. “I can never love you.”

“I know. I don’t deserve it.” Darken said quietly. “I accept that. I am happy for the love you and Richard share. You should be happy. And you were right. I will never feel love.”

“Are you saying that because you think I want to hear it?” Kahlan asked, throat tight and eyes burning.

“No. You forbade me to lie to you.”

“How do I know you’re not just biding time, waiting for your moment?”

“I would never have waited this long. You taught me patience. I can do nothing but wait for the sun to shine on my love for you. But it won’t. I wish I didn’t know that.” Darken gently squeezed her hands. “The more I get to know you, the more I wish I didn’t.”

“I know.” Kahlan remembered the look on her father’s face as he tied her hands and swore at her mother’s memory. “Me too.” 

She guided him to bed.


End file.
